Chapter One & Chapter Two

Chapter One

The sun beated down on the 3G football surface at Middlemore College in Manchester as I began my first day at my new job. I had been offered the role as “Football Technichal Coach” running the girls football programme but was to be spending my first couple of days running the 3^rd and 4^th team trials for the boys section. Coaching boys and girls aged 16 and over was a completely new territory for myself, having previously only coached up to the age of 15 and it soon proved to be a territory I wish I had never entered…

“What’s the plan?” I glanced over at the lead of the boys football programme, hoping for some advice.

Rory was a middle aged man who committed every hour he possibly could to make the boys college football programme the best it could be. He casually walked over as footballs were being launched by the lads all around the pitch.

“Have you had a good summer, Ross?”. Rory engaged in conversation with some of the lads that he had coached the last academic year, as he approached me. It was evident that he had a great rapport with the boys and that showed by the level of respect they showed him in return.

“Just crack on with a shooting drill, Em. They’ll like you for that. ‘Don’t want them hating you on your first day if you start putting them through a pre-season drill.”

He had a point.

I tried to place the nerves I was feeling to the back of my mind as I paced towards the goals at the end of the pitch to set up my session. While I walked over, I listened to some of the conversations between the lads. It soon became obvious that I was about to coach a group of lads from various backgrounds, some of which appeared to be from quite a deprived area based on the things they were saying. The smell of marijuana on a couple of the lads soon proved to be stronger than the shots they began to fire at the goal.

“Right lads, in we come.” I tried to sound authoritative, but I probably sounded like a mouse squeaking given all the masculinity that surrounded me.

Slowly but surely the boys came over as I began to explain the format of today’s session.

“I’m led to believe you’re capable of running your own warm up. I’ve been advised that Ross and Ricky, you’re able to lead having been here last year…”

The two lads nodded back at me. Strangely, they looked more nervous than me. Both lads were extremely skinny with dark brown hair dressed in their Middlemore College football kit. Out of the group that I had, they seemed the most sensible yet neither had any real talent when it came to playing football.

“Then we are going to go into a possession-based practice followed by a couple of shooting drills. I think Rory then wants to get you into an 11v11 game to have a proper look at you all.”

Despite my efforts to plan a session which would engage the lads, it appeared to be one of the most dullest sessions I have ever delivered during my 7 year stint as a football coach. The boys looked lethargic and spent more time collecting balls that they had blazed over the fence than they did collecting the balls they had put in the back of the net. Even worse, some of the boys couldn’t hit the ball hard enough to reach the goals.

“Em, 5 minutes…” Rory called with a thumb up in the air as he motioned towards his watch.

I raised a thumb back, thrilled that the end was nigh.

He turned back to his session which appeared to be extremely high tempo. The boys were fizzing the ball from left to right, playing some really neat football.

“Gosh, there’s such a difference between the 1^st and 4^th team in ability, isn’t there?” I said as I was putting the equipment away while Rory watched the 30+ lads in attendance play in a 11v11 friendly game. He nodded his head and held his hands out to the sides as those sympathizing with me…

“And unfortunately, Em, you’re going to have that situation all in your one side.” He responded.

“What do you mean?” I said.

“Well, I was at your girls team trials through the summer. I helped pick the squad. Albeit, there wasn’t much to pick from.” He paused a moment before continuing. “It was a case of you show up, you get picked. Having said that, there’s one or two really talented players that would probably be able to compete with our 2^nd team, but then there’s also some girls who can barely kick a ball. You’ve got 1^st team and 4^th team players all in the same team, which is going to make your session planning extremely hard.”

Rory smiled sympathetically at me. He knew that running this programme was going to be hard as it was due to the lack of facilities the girls had access to. The fact the difference in ability was going to be so drastic only made a tough situation even worse. However, at that stage I had no idea just how hard it would be…

I was a business owner at the time, working every hour of every day. I had money coming out of my backside, but I had no time to spend it because my life was dedicated to my work. My social life was non-existent. It was a pint in the pub when time would allow on a Sunday evening because every other evening was occupied by football.

At the time, I was seeing a girl called Lillie. She lived in Liverpool, around 30 miles away from me and the same distance from my new job. We met on a dating website and she looked absolutely stunning on her pictures, dark brown hair with a gorgeous pair of blue eyes. When we met, I wasn’t attracted to her in the slightest but given I wasn’t experiencing attention from anywhere else, I decided to pursue her anyway.

I had been single for 9 months and though I had been on several dates with women of various ages between 17 and 25, I still hadn’t met anyone that was right for me. The most notable ones were Valerie and Gwen. I really liked Val, she had me completely hooked within a week of meeting up with her, but unfortunately I was just a pawn in a game she was playing to get back at her ex. Gwen had a beautiful personality and we still speak now, but I felt there was no chemistry with us and decided not to meet after our first date – something which she still quizzes me about now.

“Why did I never get a second date?” she often asks me this as we engage in text conversations late at night.

The truth is, she made a comment about the age gaps I’ve had in previous relationships. My last relationship had a 5 year age gap. I was 21 and she was 16. Unfortunately the story is not that simple and it is for that reason that the relationship eventually broke down 18 months on. I’m still in touch with Beth. We speak occasionally, but I try to keep my distance through not wanting to lead her on as she would appear to still have feelings for me. Having said that, Lillie still likes to accuse me of being in love with Beth despite the fact we no longer talk. We had actually had an argument about it a couple of days prior to my first day on the new job & we haven’t spoken since. I got back to my car to receiving the following text on my phone…

“I didn’t want to give in texting you but oh well. You’re right, I don’t wanna open up Em, it scares me. This whole situation scares me. I have been hurt in the past and as a result, I find it hard to let people in. The truth is I do care about you. I picture everything with you. I want our house, our kids, our dogs. I want it all and I want it with you. I’m obsessed with you and that in itself scares me. I’m sorry I keep pushing you away. If you don’t want to speak to me, please block me so I can’t get in touch with you as it’s killing me not speaking to you. Lil x”

A sense of accomplishment rode through me with her having broke the silence first. With Lillie, it was just an ongoing chase. There was no real future, no real relationship and no real feelings. Infact, I was well aware she was seeing other people as well as myself as I had caught her out multiple times about it. It’s always nice to have someone to text every day though…

“I’ve missed you. If you really want to make a go of things though, you have to stop shutting me out. I want to go out on dates and do things, not sit in a car driving round Liverpool for hours on end. That’s not what couples do and it’s not what I want to do either x.”

From there, I put my keys in the ignition and made my way home. We exchanged texts a couple of times that night before she eventually called me late on.

“I’ve missed you, Em” she said, her scouse accent rippling through my mobile. Again, it was a thrill that she had said it. It almost felt like I was winning.

“I’ve missed you too.”

I hadn’t. I had missed texting someone everyday but unfortunately I was unable to tell the difference sometimes.

After a while, I became bored of the small talk on the phone. Lillie would often ignore me as I tried to have a conversation with her. She regularly used to tell me stories about her nights out or the dramas between her and her friends. It all seemed far too dramatic and in my head I wondered how long it took her to make these stories up.

Lies, lies, lies I thought…

“Oh sounds like you had another drama filled evening babe”. I would often respond with this as I scrolled through Facebook, tired of her tedious tales.

Eventually we would say good night, it would normally end in her going in a mood in an attempt to seek attention from me. Tonight was to be no different.

“Right babe, I’m going to sleep, I’m shattered and I’m up early again tomorrow for work.” I said, almost yawning mid-sentence.

“Oh K, bye then.”

She hung up. This was the part where I was meant to chase her and as usual, I did.

“Stop being a moody shit, you know I’m tired. I’ll message tomorrow. Sweet dreams gorgeous x”

“K.”

I couldn’t even be bothered replying. I decided the land of nod was far greater than texting someone back who I would have to chase again tomorrow anyway.

Chapter Two

My alarm sounded louder than ever this morning; or at least it seemed that way. I checked my phone immediately, hoping for a text off Lillie. Nope, nothing. Nothing new there…

I dragged myself out of bed, stumbling to the kitchen to make myself a coffee. This morning involved finishing off some paper work for the business before venturing to college to meet the girls that had signed up for the football academy at Middlemore for the forthcoming year. My nerves had settled somewhat after yesterday and I was quite excited to see what challenge led ahead of me.

As I drank my coffee, I started to plan my week of sessions at the college and for other various bits of work I had lined up. Based on the girls all being unfamiliar with one another, I wanted to do some games that would allow them to become more comfortable with their team mates. They were childish, but I didn’t want to come across strict with them. It’s not the kind of coach or person that I am.

“Bzzz. Bzzz. Bzzz.” That was my phone vibrating on the table. It was Lillie.

“And to what do I owe the honour?” I answered the phone cheekily, knowing full well she wouldn’t like it.

“Oh well I’ll go now then shall I?”

“I’m joking, you tool.” I said in response as I rolled my eyes, bored at her shallowness.

“I’m sick of it, Em. I’m sick of you being nasty to me.” she said.

“Are you hungry?” I asked.

“Yeah.” She giggled.

She often used to tell me how she would go in moods when she was hungry. Salt and Vinegar crisps was the breakfast menu everyday with Lillie.

“Can I see you, tonight?” I asked her hopefully, having not seen her in weeks.

“We will see…”

“Why can’t you just give me an answer?”

“I’ve said we will see”

“I know, but I’m asking so I can sort my clothes out then I don’t need to come home for them. It means doing an extra 30 miles that I don’t need too.” I said.

“Well pack them just in case then.”

I could tell she was getting angrier and for the sake of not wanting another argument already, I just brushed it off.

“Right, I’ve got to shoot anyway now as I have to set off to work…” I murmured this time, rather annoyed that she couldn’t just give me a yes or no answer.

“Oh whatever, Em.”

The line went dead. I rolled my eyes even though she couldn’t see me and then proceeded to get myself ready for my 35 mile drive to Middlemore College.

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“Ahh, you’re early.” Michael Griffin, my line manager greeted me as arrived at the college campus. Mike was in his early 30’s with fluffy fair hair. He attracted a fair amount of attention from the college students, albeit not as much as some of the other staff.

I locked my car as I approached him in a full navy blue tracksuit as I was still yet to be given some appropriate uniform from the college.

“I absolutely hate being late, it’s one of my pet peeves and I’d rather look organized for the girls on my first day.” I explained.

“Well, we’ve only actually got 7 girls signed up at the moment. We are hoping to get a few more over the coming days. They’re only going to be playing matches at 7v7 unless you and the opposition manager decide otherwise, so don’t worry”.

It was as though he was already making excuses. I was practically promised over 20 girls on this programme when I attended the initial interview, yet I’m now being told we have only 7 signed up.

“Yeah?” I said. “That’s fine.” Which it was, I just rather would have had more.

“We will probably get a couple more tomorrow that missed induction today.”

I nodded, hoping that would be the case.

“Right, lets show you round as to what you and the girls will have access to while you are here.” Mike said as he took me outside, pointing to the never-ending grass pitches on his right hand side.

“Here’s where you will hopefully play the majority of your matches. The rugby lads also use these pitches so be aware that sometimes they may be around. There is a 7v7 pitch marked out and a 5v5 and you have access to these goals behind the sports centre. You just need to ask at reception for the key.”

We walked round to the goals as Mike was speaking. I was extremely impressed with the playing surface and unsurprisingly Mike soon informed me that a semi professional side also use the facility.

“Then we have the kick pitch, located across the car park. It’s a 5v5 pitch, but it will be great for small sided games when you don’t have great numbers. Remember, sometimes the girls might have class and that will always be priority ahead of football.”

The Kick pitch was a mess, but Mike was convinced this was the best place for us. It was a sand based astro turf pitch with fencing around it that looked over a decade old. On the left hand side of the pitch was a lump of around 30cm high which was undoubtedly a health and safety hazard, not to mention how worried I was about how slippy the surface would become during the wet weather in the winter months.

“Do we not get access to the main 3G then?” I asked, hopefully.

“It will be hard to fit you down there, I think, with the lads being there. Besides, I think this is ideal for the girls and it’s good that you will have a separate base. The girls will be getting changed over here, again, just ask for the key at reception…” he said as he walked me a little further along the foot path and into a changing room on the right hand side.

“Nice enough.” I said with a smile. I really wasn’t too interested in the changing rooms…

“Then we have the gym upstairs…Let me show you.” He then led me upstairs to a very modern gym where an extremely big bulky man was sat at a desktop.

“Hey Ray, this is Emma, the new girls football coach”.

Ray grunted at me, clearly unhappy that Mike was showing me round these facilities.

“The girls also have access to this gym. Just liase with Ray as to when the rugby lads are in and you can use this when you want. The modern technology in this gym is fantastic and you can do fitness testing with them whenever you like. It’s all self-explanatory on the machines”

“Fantastic.” I said, extremely impressed with this marvelous facility.

“Oh and you also have the gym located over at the main sports reception too.” Mike began leading me back over to the main sports reception again.

“It should never really be a problem for you to use here. Just making sure all the girls have got a gym induction and you will be able to use it whenever you like” he said with a smile.

“Great, can anyone lead classes for them?” I quizzed.

“Yeah, so we have the dance studio and the spinning bike room which you can use whenever you like as well” he paused before continuing, taking me down the corridor to show me the rooms. “That’s providing there are no classes in at that time of course.”

There was a little note on the door of everyone room to suggest when it would be occupied by curriculum. Alarmingly, there didn’t seem to be many opportunities where it would be free.

“And then finally we have the sports hall…” Walking me to his left, Mike opened the doors to a huge sports hall occupied by over 25 college students with noises echoing just as loud as what they would in a tunnel. “Similar to the other facilities, just check to see if it’s free before you use it. But when it’s raining, I imagine this would be a good alternative.”

“If I want this quiff to survive the rain, I will definitely be seeking to find out if it’s free” I laughed, causing him to do a slight giggle also.

Behind us, some of the girls who were on the football programme were beginning to arrive. They looked lost and began to linger in reception, all hoping that someone would be brave enough to ask a member of staff as to where they should be. Eventually Mike noticed and got the girls a key for the changing room so they could get into appropriate gear for football.

“I’m going to take the girls over and introduce them to the programme and then if you come over at about 1:45pm, I’ll introduce you to the girls” he said before leading the girls over to the changing room.

I nodded as he walked away and used the small amount of time I had left to set up my session on the hazardous astro turf pitch. My session was planned for an even number, but I was more than willing to join in to make sure the numbers were even. Besides, if the levels of ability was as far out as Rory claimed they were yesterday, joining in may be my only option of ensuring the session remains of an adequate standard.

After a while, Mike called me over from behind the black fence.

“Em, you ready?” he called.

“Yeah, sure”. I walked over after placing my rack of cones by the bag of footballs.

“Good luck getting any more than 2 words out of this lot. They looked at me like I was a zombie when I went in”. He sounded amused yet concerned.

“Nothing an ice breaker can’t sort.” I said with a smile.

“They’ve been doing that all morning, it hasn’t worked so far” he said.

I was a little concerned that getting them to bond would take longer than I anticipated. I walked in behind Mike to a room filled with seven, silent, sixteen year old girls. You could hear a pin drop in the room as we walked in.

“Girls, this is Emma. Emma will be your coach for the forthcoming year.” Mike’s friendly tone didn’t lift the silence in the room.

I looked around as a couple of them smiled at me nervously.

“Right then… I’ll leave you to it”. Mike couldn’t wait to leave the changing rooms. It was obvious. “Good luck” he whispered with a smirk as he scarpered out the facility.

It was possibly the worst introduction ever. I was nervous. The girls were nervous. Nobody knew each other. The silence was deafening.

“Okay…” I have a terrible habit of saying “okay” when I’m coaching or when I’m doing any form of public speaking. Clearly, today was to be no different. “So, I figured because you’re all new, we would make this week a completely relaxed week. We will do some fun games and a couple of ice breakers so we can all get to know each other a little better. That includes me getting to know you and vice versa.”

Silence, still. Not one sound.

“So I guess the best place to start is to find out who people played for and any playing experience anyone might have…” I looked round the room hoping for some sort of agreement. Nothing still. “Okay, we will start with yourself.” I motioned with my head towards a girl on my right hand side. She had brown hair and looked extremely shy and timid. As she began to speak about her playing experience I could sense the nerves in her voice as she spoke infront of the group. She stuttered a couple of times but managed to explain that she had played football for a local club at Sunday league level; this appeared to be a trait shared by many in the room, apart from one girl sat in the corner/

“Everton, Liverpool, Stoke City…” she said as she rallied off a couple of local clubs as well. Her arrogance was evident as she spoke, her bottom lip almost sticking out as she finished her sentence. She leant up against the wall, looking round in pity at the rest of the room who had all played at a lesser standard than herself. She was a thicker set girl than the others, but by no means fat. A muscular tone, somewhat manly infact.

“Good grief, it sounds like you’ve played for half the Premier League”, exclaimed a much skinnier girl with mousy brown hair in the corner. Her name was Holly.

The muscly arrogant girl smirked back at her.

“So you know TJ at Stoke then?” I asked her, making a point that I had contacts with the industry.

“Yeah, she was sound. I didn’t like Zoe though…” she responded with a bit more emotion in her voice. Almost as though someone was now on a level with her in the room.

Pleased that I had broke down a barrier, I replied “So what’s your name then? I’m seeing TJ later, I’ll ask about you. Get some inside scoop.”

It was awful, but I tried to make a joke.

“Mickaelya” she said. Obviously unwilling to give me a surname.

“I’ll mention you to her later…” I said with a cheeky smile. Mickaelya returned a small arrogant smirk, it was slightly sadistic. “Right, let’s get going outside then girls.”

The session itself wasn’t fantastic and I found myself partnering Mickaelya as she was a much better quality of player than any of the other girls present. One thing I was proud of though, was how much more the girls began to interact with one another as the session progressed.

“Em!” I heard a familiar voice shout from behind the fence. I turned to look. It was Mike again. I ran over as the girls continued playing a small sided game behind me.

“Em, this is Natalie. Natalie this is Emma. Emma’s the lead coach of the girls football programme.”

“Hey. Give me 2 minutes and I’ll introduce you to the girls. Don’t worry, you haven’t missed much, we’re doing ice breakers all week this week, anyway”, I smiled at her. She looked nervous. Her skin was so white, she could have been mistaken for a sheet of paper. It was only made worse by the dark clothes she wore and a cap that she used to tuck all her hair under. I didn’t want to pass judgement too early, but it was completely obvious that she was gay.

“Well, it’s like a completely different group.” Mike was smiling as he overlooked the session from behind the fence. “You’ve really got them talking already, nice one Em.”

I was chuffed that he was pleased.

“Right, I’ll be leaving you to it again. Any problems, you know where I am.” He said as he walked away.

I introduced Nat (as she preferred to be known) to the rest of the group and thirty minutes or so later, I called an end to the session. Slowly but surely, we strolled back to the changing rooms. The conversation was much better this time as the girls began to very slowly come out of their shells.

“What time do we have to be here for tomorrow?” chirped up Holly who looked extremely keen to leave.

“If you can be ready for 1:30, that will be great. We will be on the kick pitch again, so wear appropriate footwear.” I looked around the room specifically at a couple of the girls who had slipped due to the sandy surface. “Mike expects we could have a couple more join us tomorrow.”

“Yeah, my mates are coming tomorrow. They’re decent.” Said Mickaelya. She was out of her football gear now, dressed in a full red adidas tracksuit. Again, I wouldn’t want to pass judgement, but there was becoming a bit of a theme here…

“Great, I’ll see you all tomorrow.” I said with a smile.

After the girls had left, I began to put the equipment away and spent a little time with Mike going through some IT work such as registers that needed to be completed, daily.

The first day with the girls was complete, but tomorrow would mark the beginning of a complete U-turn in my life.